Innocence Lost

As I stand in the balcony and take of the amber colored whiskey and stare down at the partially melted ice cubes, earplugs in my ear , blaring pantera, to prevent me from thinking too much, I contemplate, (my purpose defeated) the purpose of my life.

I stare at the whiskey and feel it dancing on my tongue, playing hopscotch with my taste buds (no pun intended), I turn around and look into the room. It looks as if a hurricane has hit it!
Clothes all around, suitcase over flowing, box bed flung open!
I'm packing and I realize looking at myself.Ive finally grown up!
REVELATION!
I never wanted to.I didn't.
I mean i never wanted to grow up but life makes some difficult choices for us, and in he making of these choices we are seldom left with any of our own choices, wants needs or conditions.
We end up as nothing more but victims!

So now.Victim.I stand before my self.Ashamedly!
Head hanging low.Ive failed my self as i've taken on responsibilities, and now the ultimate one!
Going off to America for studies.
sure I contemplated this before but the pressure is too much!
The sheer number crunching involved, the payments to make, the multiply by 40 syndrome is but hard to avoid.
An i realize how much responsibility ive taken on!
I dont want it.Didnt ask for it.Im merely a victim ofthe choices i made or rather have to make.

I balance the glass on the wall, thrust my hands in my pocket, pull out my player and change to an iron maiden track and stare out over into the beyond, my childhood lost!
An adult, irreversibly forever!