my head

ive looked into the future
ive looked in to the past
my mind is fuckin broken
it wasn't built to last

now if ya gonna tell me
another time will come
im gonna scream back at ya
justice will be done

ive scorned you once already
its your return tht i dread
and if i run far enough
one day i will be dead

my courage fell to pieces
no you couldnt mend it
screwing up with time
yay i tried t'bend it

in the end i lose
to you or to time
when i looked back at ya
i wished that you'd be mine!

useless buggers

ok this is what pisses me off
you know i seen lazy ppl..and i seen maharashtrians..
they have their seista and all, and its all cool..i can appreciate that
but they are just lazy ppl...
now get this senario...
i walked into a mobile shop and this guy sittin there says "dukaan band hai" im like what the fuck? i jus want a scratch guard....its right under the counter..and hes like nai dukaan band hai

it totally pissed me off..


i went last night to score some pot.
now this is shady stuff done even more shadily..
you go deep inside some jhopar patti thing which smell of piss and garbage.
and this is all covert operations stuff..
so you go there ask for the stuff..he looks at you, asks for the money and goes into some shack, gives you your stuff, you dont even look at it, you put it in your pocket and run like a bat outta hell..

now yesterday was totally different.
this was a guy who came with good recos. any way i went to him at 7 and some one tells me that the main motherfucker aint there, so i go at 7.30.this mo fo tells me that hes outta stuff.
so he tells me to come back at 8 or 8.15. so i go at 8.15 and this main mofo aint tehre , of the 2 other dudes there one is already stoned and the other is gettin drunk on desi, they smell..(pew)so im standin in front of a stinky jhopar patti and shootin the shit (read backchodi) with my friend.... then abt 8.45 i get really pissed..
i mean this is taking laziness and inefficiency to its limits...
if you are doin shady stuff at least do it right..
so i leave without the stuff...
and i got so pissed that i couldnt even get stoned last night..
bitch!

one thing i cant stand is inefficiency ... at all cost.. its fuckin irritating...
so i may blaze tonit, or i may not,
the whole deal is i never go back to that bitch ass mofo, he's lost my binnis fo life.

signin out..
b back wit a story real soon.

cold dark and forgotten

she stands there.she stands in the dark.her face partially hidden in the shadows..
the only light that falls on her, comes diffused from two houses away.She is a pianist.but oh, not by profession.but by the heart instead.she stands in the shadows looking.staring. thinking.contemplating, yet undecisive.lost in thoughts only she can think.is she sad?i dont know.but this i do know.tht she is not happy. "whats the difference" you ask.

ask this not of me,not of her but to yourselves..ask that when you are not happy are you sad? or vice versa? it is but a state of mind .. but do lets get back to her..she still stands in the balcony.looking out into he dark alley.i mentioned she is not happy, so you may ask why isn't she happy...Ah !finally a question i can answer.she has lost her music. a music piece so beautiful that when she heard it in her head for the first time she wept with joy, but she had lost it, it had come to her along with a wave of emotions and was swept away just as fast.
it was lost and this is why she was not happy. she could also ave been sad. i wouldn't know.

she feels its loss.and the pain that loss brings also painfully gnaws at her insides.the pain of losing a piece of music that she was in danger of never hearing again.it was a catastrophic thought similar to saying that one would never see a sunset again.she tried, alas, in vain to piece back tattered and torn fragments of the music.trying to simulate the emotionms was a failure too.the inspiration was lost. it was already forgotten.

the black and cold around her does not simulate the emotions, the happy emotions , that allowed the gateway to that wonderful masterpiece she had heard and forgotten just as swiftly.

she still stands in the balcony, unmoving.a tear rolls down her cheek, telling the story, of how much the sound meant to her.music felt not heard.on the fabric of imagination but not on the fabric of existence.
lost forever to a world which may or may not have cared. but she did.she cared.and so she wept.and the tear rolled, continuing with a story of its own.

she tried to wipe it away but the teardrop had a destiny and a story of its own that it had to complete.and so it rolls off her cheek catches a gentle breeze , and going off into the world dissipating and breaking up just like the music whose story it told, leaving her behind in the balcony just as we met her.with her long hair blowin in the wind and gently tickling her long slender pianist fingers.

the pain in your heart (guy version)..sorry girls i dont know your point of view !

hey.does any one even read this?

has it ever happened thatyou see this beautiful face which takes your breath away..i mean literally.say across the street ...in a car coming the opposite way...or on the tv.its unattainable unreachable.And highly unlikely and close to impossible that you'll ever see that face again?
at that time have you got this feeling of pain in your chest..its like a stab at the heart.it says "you can look at her but dont touch.think but dont speak"

its one of those beautiful faces...you cant think about carnally or vulgarly.its just so pure.so fresh flawless with an aspect of unmatchable veracity.
its the face that would launch a thousand ships.not elaborate yet so beautiful.

and that pang of pain in your heart that you will never be able to attain her.
well you know what if you attained her you would be content with sitting her up on a table and kneeling before her chanting "we are not worthy"!
but thats it.its that instant when you set your eyes on her that you say ok.ill die happy now.ive seen the most beautiful woman on earth.
its about that instant when you feel pity at your condition..an over whelming wave of emotions washes over you like an alpha wave...and you get sucked under.to come up breathless...
(an apt analogy there and a good alliteration too )
same happens here...she goes off taking with her her charm beauty and elegance.the flawlessness of her...and you are left gasping for more...and of course your breath.
perhaps im not being clear in my expression of this .."beautiful woman"..it could be the girl next door...looking her best..a new girl in college..they give you a pang of guilt..i guess thats another name for the pain that i cant describe....a guilt that you will never be her equal...forever her inferior..and thus are unworthy.
you question your very being and purpose of living and at that moment life becomes insipid and tasteless..
Women dont realize it...well some do...what power they hold over men...their power of their beauty

men are like dogs...they need the atttention...and they are attracted towards anyone who will show them beauty and affection...
well women have that power over men....to control you play with you...

to leave you with that pang of pain when you see them...fall in love ...then out again..dashing your hopes upon rocks like the same alpha wave that sucked you under.then drawing back to the ocean they came from leaving behind a vacuum
a vacuum
vacuum!!!!
but women are not to blame.its not that they do it on purpose but on the other hand are rather oblivious to the fact that tehy cause this effect.
but none the less...they do.


Dedicated to all the women who gave me that pain ! thank you!

also to all the girls that have broken my heart...i appreciate it that they didnt break my will too!

Have you ever thought?no? i thought so.Most people avoid it!why?cause they cant face up to the lies we live.look at us.a pitiful bunch we are. the world was made equally for all of us.just because we advanced we assume right over this planet tipping the balance in our favour. but thats not what this is about. this is about the way of life. we spend our time in offices.in front of computers,in labs,building. working. slogging 40 hours a week.even more.why? to make money.to feed our families.take care of their needs.but. and this but is huge...have you ever thought if there was another way to live? there are two ways to live.the life of responsibilty ..no doubt which all of us have.we take on that responsibility bravely.taking our lives education and jobs seriously taking in a couple of holidays every few years...but was that the true intent of life? think! there is a beautiful planet out there.waiting for you!you live as you do and you will die not having seen the world you lived in..but only the world created around you. out there are wonders of nature.green grassy plains...snow capped mountains..wouldnt you rather walk barefoot across a grass field than attend cocktail parties wearing patent leather shoes?



an example i can give is .. there was a man who was in the record books for punctuality.he was never late for work and never missed a single day of wok in all his life and carrees.come hell or high water..literally...he used to go to work if it involved him carrying his bicycle on his head.my point is that he may have achieved what he set out to do but look at what all he lost out on.he lost out on the love of his family.lesser time spent with them.and he missed out on his beautiful country.

there are so many wonderful experiences out there that every minute you are not out there experiencing them you are missing out on natures wonders.if life is like an asortment of icecreams..dont be stuck with vanilla..try them all...

they say you a re born once and die once..but everytime you experience something new you relive your life.

GO!

this is some thing new.

Yesterday i was standing at this thela eating a bhutta.this little girl came up and wanted one too.she had this 5re coin in her hand.she just stood and watched,while the people in front for who came before her waited their turn just as she waited hers.she had these simple innocent clear eyes.like limpid pool.i looked at them and saw same thing im not accouctomed.purity.of mind and soul.and more importantly innocence.

each time the guy fanned the fire roasting the corn and sparks flew out, she recoiled a bit..and it got me thinking.such a small girl all alone on the road.full oftrusting eyes,and a trusting heart.knows nothing of this world.its liesand deception..and the games people play.

its no place for kids.people are callous and unfeelings. those eyes called out to me i was transfixed at the same time and was unable to move.it killed me jus sitting there to watch the fear in her eyes...of just a few sparks....i wondered how she would ever face the harsh realities of life...i jus wanted to sheild her from the pain of the world...but i couldnt.for you see, i had no right!

but i want you to ask of yourself one thing.one day when you have kids..and see the innocence in their eyes..would you be able to keep them out of your sight ,lest they see something harmful; or come to some harm them selves?how would you get them to face the harsh facts of life...expenses,shortages,taxes , pain and death and separation...

ask yourselves that when your kids cross the street alone it wont wrench your heart..

ask yourselves. that when your kids go for their 1st day at school it wont hut them in any way...and hurt you in turn!

ask your selves how you will see the pain in their eyes when their pet animal dies and you try to explain that it died and they will never see them again.


Kids.they are life.they show us the meaning of life.

i would love my kids sooo much that ive decided not to have any!

Life!

Life is about a lot of things.we live it as though we have a lot of time, but we dont realize that while we plan and think we are losing that time.we have people around us, and one thing we need from those people is their support and love.

has it ever happened that you were admidst a number of people but still felt lonely?ever felt that although there are so many people around you ,that you are essentially alone?

i have that feeling.that maybe i jus dont connect with people on their level.there lonliness comes in.seeping like the ooze from a leaky sewage pipe.and into your lives.you sordid lonely single serving measly existence.

you have had that feeling of lonliness?then welcom to my side.you need love!of course you have love , you say .but thats just what you say.ask your self do you feel?do you feel loved?

think about it.ever lay alone ion bed... jus wishing you had some one to hold..that some one would hold you..and things wouldbe sooo much better...that to wake up next to that special some one...

and im not talking about a one night stand lovin... its for keeps...even the most playboy type guys know what im talking about...on the surface of it they are lik 'fuck it dude...no steady .... no ball and chain = happiness..."wrongo!



ask your self and ill be back soon with more insights on mankinds measly existence on earth!