unfinished business...


in life sometimes you come across moments when you are no longer in control.
some times you no longer control situations. they control you..
it happened to me once...

i don’t smoke..
Ok ok i smoked recently for a month but quit..
this is before that

well i had taken drags from friends and the norm is that a ciggie is usually passed around
and shared.. no one hogs the cancer stick..
still i wanted to know how it would feel like to buy my own ciggie and smoke t all alone all
by my self...
well..
i went out and bought it...
i remember it was during exams time and prep leave was at an end i was at my wits end...
and i guess i wanted to know whether or not a ciggie actually calms your nerves..

now the main aim was to smoke this in complete privacy without sharing it...
impossible task when you live with friends and friends visit and over 70% of them smoke..
and who are usually too broke to buy one themselves and who are ever ready to help you finish
the cigarette

well i bought home the white slender devil of death and caressed its smooth white papery exterior...

i locked the door and settled back to light it...
just then some one knocked.. my roomie..
ok a smoker... i hid the cig in my pants...
opened the door...

he hung about 1/2 a hour before his girl called and he left to talk on the phone..
alone at last..
i locked the door again...
this time i managed to light the bitch...
i inhaled and let the fingers of smoke curl down my lungs held it there...
released it slowly (like i saw ppl doing)
some one knocked...
man this smoking alone thing was wrecking my nerves...
the ciggie didn’t calm them( if you were interested in knowing)
in fact i would now need some thing to calm me now..i went to the window of my room and kept
the cig on the sill behind the curtain...and kept the cig there(lit) hoping that i would send
off who ever it was..

but alas fate was against me smokin that day...

it was S_____ for want of mentioning his name...
any way..
now S______ was broke and ready to bum a ciggie from any where..
in fact he was notorious for picking up 50 paise coins and coming up with the money for a "chhoti goldflake"
you get my drift?
well..
he had come to study something from me...
alarm bells rang..
if he smelt the tobacco my cig would be history...
at the same time i feared the curtain would go up in flames...

i told him to sit in the chair and that i would be right back
i went out to the balcony and tried to reach the cig from out side...
i managed...

ever put out a cig after smokin half..?
it takes a bit of practice to detach the lit part for the rest of the body without wasting
tobacco...
well i managed...
i hid the amputated cig in the balcony..
and went back....to S___
who of course then went to the balcony claiming that he could smell "sutta'
well any way he didn’t find it...
i still have that half cig as a reminder of that day.
the day fate would not allow me to complete my cig.
the unfinished sutta